The Birth of Van: Emergency C-Section.

I was really lucky and fell pregnant very easily in June 2022. I didn’t really think too much about birth during most of my pregnancy as I have always been quite fit and healthy and throughout my life so many people kept telling me that I would “nail” child birth, that I was “built” for it which really led me into a false sense of confidence and I really believed that I would birth “naturally” with minimal pain relief. I had so many girlfriends before me have text book births and I honestly believed I would be the exact same. I didn’t know many women that had c sections and amongst my friends it was unusual, which again fed into my belief that I would be just like them and I was so excited to share so many similarities and sensations with them after birth.

My husband and I attended the hospital birthing course which was great as I like to know facts. When it came to the c section part of the course however it seemed to be breezed over compared to other elements of birth which again made me not even think about it.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I really started to think about my emotions and what I wanted in my birth. I didn’t have a concrete birth plan as I wanted to be quite open with my options but my main goal was to be quite active in my labour and use minimal pain relief and I knew that I really didn’t want a C section, it made me feel like that was the failure route and many people around me had these opinions about having c sections compared to “natural” deliveries which really cemented this belief in me.

I ended up starting and stopping labour twice before ending up being induced at 40weeks as we were unsure as to why my labour kept stopping. I was really excited and wasn’t afraid of being induced as I knew two close friends who had great inductions and had their babies within 8 hours of being induced which gave me a goal post (not helpful reflecting now). I got the ribbon put in me on a Friday evening which kick started my labour in the early morning and by mid morning my waters had been broken and my labour was well on the way, I was on the gym ball and the gas and feeling good about my progress. However again my labour started to plateau which confused my midwives which made us decide to get the oxytocin drip to keep my labour progressing. I was on the drip for a few hours which progressed me into active labour in which they check me and I was still only 2cm… this made me really start to focus on my contractions and trying to relax my pelvic area to try and get my body to dilate. I was in the bath at this stage because I couldn’t stand throughout the contractions. I had no pain relief at this point as I was just focusing on my breathing and trying to conserve my energy to push, but I was getting so tired by this stage.

I decided to get the epidural because I wanted some rest to be able to still push at the end to avoid a c section. I had been labouring for 16 hours at this stage. The doctor came in and started the epi process and I had 4 failed attempts until a new doctor came in and was finally successful. It was such a relief and the midwives wanted to check me again, we were all guessing at how many cm’s I would be and I was thinking surely I’m at least 7cm. The midwife checked me, her face dropped, she said I was still only 2cm.. this broke me.. I cried… we decided to give the epi a chance to work and get some rest so I stayed on the epi for 2 hours. This is where things started to change..

My babies heart rate started to drop in every contraction which concerned my doctor and this is when he pulled up a chair and began to discuss with me an emergency c section. I was so tired at this point and was just listening and I agreed with the reasons as to why we needed to do this as I wasn’t dilating which was strange and that my baby was now in distress. Overall I knew I wanted my baby safe and healthy so we agreed to it.

They quickly got myself and my husband scrubbed up and wheeled me down to theatre. At this stage I was shaking very badly due to the epi and I got wheeled into the theatre on my own, I was so scared and alone. Everyone around me was lovely but just chatting about mundane every day things whilst I was lying there awake, scared shitless, shaking and just wanting my husband.

Once I was prepped my husband joined me and I was relieved. The procedure began and I didn’t take my eyes off my husband, I was crying from being so scared. The tugging and pulling no one prepared me for and I hated it. My son was born at 10:24pm, he cried straight away which I was so happy about and I was also just so happy it was finally over!

My recovery physically after the c section was great, I really focused on rest and leant on my support system around me. They forced me to stop, rest and heal, which I found so difficult. Unfortunately my emotional journey was not great, the baby blues stayed around for two weeks, my husband and I were quite traumatised by the whole experience, we would often just cry in each others arms. My support system truly held me together, between my husband, friends, my mum and my family I honestly could not have done it.

The best advice I could give to future mums is to educate yourself on every birth option, you really never know what will happen and you just can not compare yourself to anyone. All our bodies are so different as well as our babies. To never feel like you failed birth (I still struggle with this), to be aware of negative comments about c sections and try to be really sensitive to others around you in regard to birth. I found scar massage helped my recovery immensely and to rest, rest and more rest.

I forgot to mention that the reason I didn’t dilate was because Van was stuck in my pelvis and couldn’t move onto my cervix, so we did the right thing in the end as Van probably would not of survived if I kept going.

The birth of Van, by Mum Annika.